REPLAY: Sharing finances as a physician couple #428 , pt2

• 0:01 Should Married Couples Combine Finances?
• 8:50 Financial Planning in Relationships
• 16:32 Financial Transparency in Marriage
• 20:54 Financial Involvement in Relationships
• 28:29 The Benefits of Combining Finances
• 32:27 Navigating Financial Disparities in Marriage

https://www.doximity.com/articles/736a778f-eba2-41e8-a6e6-c6a3f082d19b

Transcript

Should Married Couples Combine Finances?

SPEAKER_01 0:00

What's good everyone? This is Dr. Ni. Yo, this is the second part of episode 428. In this episode, we're gonna be talking about finances and chip professionals, specifically doctors. Should we be putting our money together for whatever reason it may be? So, real quick story, me and Renee, when we got married, I was gung-ho, separate finances. Renee was gung ho, put our money together and see what we can do. Straight to the point, I was wrong, she was right, as always. Helped us with so many things, not only making our relationship stronger, but also helped us pay off almost$700,000 in student loan debt much quicker. In this episode, we're gonna dive into why we made that decision, kind of some of the ebbs and flow of how we finally decided to make that decision, and then we're gonna get into specifically why you all should combine your finances and then some reasons why people just don't want to do it. This is all based off of an op-ed article put out by the prudent, let me make sure I get this right. The prudent plastic surgeon, Dr. Jordan Frey, and the name of his article was Do Physician Couples Need to Share Finances? Right? And he gets into why and all this stuff, but you're gonna hear our take on it. So without further ado, let's jump right into it. Um there was an article that came out by the prudent physician, I forget his name. I I think this the pro I think it's the plastic surgeon, I can't remember, but it was in my Doximity thing, and it said, Do physician couples need to share finances? Right? It's an article here. Alfred, I'll give you the link so you can put it up and stuff. But once again, it's do physician couples need to share finances? Um, a very interesting take on um, you know, people in long-term relationships, should they share finances? And um, he initially talks about how he and his wife combined their finances and it made a lot of sense to them, right? Um, but he's saying that the three areas that he thinks would be beneficial in your relationship with someone else if you decide to merge money is your relationship, your finances, taxes. I'm not gonna read the whole thing here and stuff, but those are the three areas that he talks about. We'll put the link in the show notes. Um, but basically, um combining finances can simplify managing household expenses. Um, physician couples may face challenges such as differing spending habits, and it allows you to communicate better when you put your money together, right? So effective communication and financial planning are crucial to address the issue. Um, and um, you know, it's important to have a really tailored financial plan. So without getting into too much specifics and reviewing this article because people can read it for themselves, let's jump into what we do, right? Let's talk about what we do on the show, right? So basically, what we do is it's my money, right?

SPEAKER_02 2:53

And and I need it now. 877 cash, no.

SPEAKER_01 2:59

Who's the who's the Viking? Who's the Viking in that?

SPEAKER_02 3:03

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 3:05

What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine, not necessarily, but we put a lot of money together, yeah. Whatever Renee makes is our money, whatever I make is our money, we put our money together. Um, we basically have um there's nothing separate in terms of our finances at all. There's nothing. Um I was raised in a household where I initially thought that my parents were the same way where they had like everything together, but I think actually I found out my parents have separate accounts for like small personal things. Um, but the major they had a joint account for major things and stuff like that. Um I don't know about your parents and so forth. Everything's together, everything's together, everything's together. Oh, it's always been like that, always been like that.

SPEAKER_02 3:57

Everything's together, there's no separate accounts.

SPEAKER_01 4:01

So I tried to get a I tried to get a prenup from you, but you weren't trying to go from that.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

And then since then you've been have anything, me. That doesn't mean that I have nothing.

SPEAKER_01 4:11

You had nothing just because I didn't have anything doesn't mean I can't try to still get a prenup. You do know that, right?

SPEAKER_02 4:18

Like what were you protecting me?

SPEAKER_01 4:20

It doesn't mean that I still could not get a prenup. I don't understand where you're going with this. I acknowledge that point. I acknowledge that I didn't have that much money. I'm just saying that I still was asking for a prenup.

SPEAKER_02 4:32

You were in the negative hundreds of thousands. And so were you thousands of dollars. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 4:36

I was a G less than you. I was a G in the negative less than you were.

SPEAKER_02 4:41

Oh my god. So you didn't want to jack you for that G.

SPEAKER_01 4:43

Guys, before we get it, listen. Hey, so we put all our money together. Initially, I was kind of I wasn't all the way into it. How about you? You wanted to put all the money together in the beginning?

SPEAKER_02 4:56

Yeah. Always.

SPEAKER_01 4:58

Because my mommy and daddy did it.

SPEAKER_02 5:00

No, I wanted to jack you for your paper. No.

SPEAKER_01 5:02

Because my mommy and daddy did it. Why?

SPEAKER_02 5:04

No, that's not why.

SPEAKER_01 5:05

Um There's a lot of things you do because your mom and dad does.

SPEAKER_02 5:08

I mean, but a lot of people do that. So um I don't. Anyway. I don't. Um so I think part the main reason that I wanted to put our money together is because the way that I view, you know, the way that I view family when you're, you know, two people who are building a family, is that you've got to be moving in the same direction. Right? And if you don't know what is going on with one another, how can you ever be sure that you're ever moving in the same direction, right? So I used to say this a lot, you know, especially when we started doing like the keeping up with the darkos and stuff like that. Um, especially talking about retirement. You know, if your finances are very, very separate and you don't know exactly what's going on with each other's finances because they're just that separate. You do you, I do me. When you go to retire, how do you plan on retirement? Because if you're not planning to be together, then you're planning to be apart. Like that's the only way that I can see it. Right?

SPEAKER_01 6:14

So should you so should you should you marry someone that or can you be in love with someone and have a fruitful relationship with someone who you don't agree with financially?

SPEAKER_02 6:25

Yes, you can.

SPEAKER_01 6:27

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_02 6:28

But I don't I don't necessarily know that a marriage with that person will work. So I actually, so one of my mentors, I have many mentors, but one of my mentors has been in a relationship with someone for I want to say at least 20 years. At least 20 years. And I'm always like, when are you gonna marry this woman? When are you gonna marry this woman?

SPEAKER_01 6:54

I know who you're talking about.

SPEAKER_02 6:56

I know you know who I'm talking about. So one day I asked him that question again. I was like, I counted up the years. I'm like, like, so you guys just don't want to get married.

SPEAKER_01 7:06

See, if we wanted, but if we want a salacious show, we need to start saying who these people are.

SPEAKER_02 7:10

No, you don't need to do that. Anyway.

SPEAKER_01 7:15

You was about to in the beginning of the show, you was about to share all this shit about us and stuff, but no.

SPEAKER_02 7:18

No, I wasn't.

SPEAKER_01 7:19

Anyway.

SPEAKER_02 7:21

Um, so I asked him the question, and finally, he said, I would like to get married. He said, I absolutely would have liked to have gotten married. He said, The problem is that we're not financially compatible. And he's like, I just don't want to have to deal with our relationship going downhill because our finances, the way that we view money, is not compatible. And I was like, you know what? They I mean they have a meaningful relationship, but what's going to happen is that in a marriage, right, if you if you combine forces in a marriage with somebody, right? And not you combine forces, but you don't combine finances or you both see finances a little bit differently, then that person's life, how they live, can seriously impact your life, whether negatively or positively. All right, so what about the people married to them?

SPEAKER_01 8:25

All right, I got you. I mean, you I just I don't like how mature you're getting about this stuff. That drives me nuts.

SPEAKER_02 8:30

So, what do you want me to say? But like, oh, you should let's do the half and half. Let's do the half and half discussion that's going on on social media, right?

Financial Planning in Relationships

SPEAKER_01 8:37

Hold on, hold on, slow your roll, because there's a lot of married couples, including some people who listen to this show, who do half and half, and they've been married for a long period of time. I know they should. So all I'm saying is this what about those people? Like, let's say, for example, you have a woman in a relationship, you're dating a woman, she's amazing, she's great. She's like, listen, like, I've always like I I grew up in a situation where my mom got screwed by my dad, right? And my mom had to take like three or four jobs, and the number one thing that I learned is that I gotta have my money no matter what, because a man can up and leave you no matter what. So if you love me, um, listen, we're gonna build this family together, we can have kids together, I'll cook clean, I'll be a doctor and do all this stuff, I'll be superwoman, all those things that are.

SPEAKER_02 9:17

Why should you gotta cook clean?

SPEAKER_01 9:18

She'll cook clean cut, right? Cook clean cut, right? She'll do all the things, right? Yeah, she'll do all the things that you know that you would expect traditionally for um a partner to do. I said traditionally, what you expect a partner to do. That's all I said. Right? You could re-see. Look at you, you think he's smarter than me. Everybody think they're smarter than me. Traditionally, what you expect a partner, right? Because, you know, the way how we look at marriage, right? Marriage is a very traditional thing, right? And there's some people who want to pick and choose what is traditional versus what's not traditional, right?

SPEAKER_02 9:53

Like anyway, that's not the point.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

What's the point? Because you know I got you on that one, right? Because some people are like, I want to take a last name. It's like, but but I gotta give you a ring traditionally, though, right? Right? But I can't do anything, I gotta be in a single relationship, right? But you could decide which last name you like, come on. So anyway, let's move on. Um so so yeah, so what what happens in a situation where you have two people who want to create a life together, but because of their previous experience, or just in general, they just are like, look, like I need something to protect myself to make sure that, like, yo, I got this stash on the side so that if you decide to do your thing, the curarum, you know what I'm saying? I can be out. I can leave and I can land safely because you know. For example, here's an example, right? There were several years where you were working significantly less because you were taking care of the kids, right? And during that time, when I was working primarily the majority of the time, I would make sure that they take my the amount of money that I was bringing into our business, I made sure that they split it in half so that you would continue to get an income. Henceforth, you would continue to get a retirement, like you would be able to be eligible to put a significant amount in your retirement so that it wouldn't just stop, right, for several years. Because that's the biggest thing that women, particularly women who are working, that's where they they really fall back, is once they have children and they're no longer in the working field, like then their 401ks, their 401ks stay stagnant, right? And then if it's then trying to get back in the job market can be difficult, but then trying to get back into a jog market that could also help them elevate their 401ks is another difficult thing, right? But I was really adamant.

SPEAKER_02 11:30

I think even uh what's the name? Even their Medicare, right? Because their contributions Medicare even or sorry to Social Security even stop. Right.

SPEAKER_01 11:41

So it's like, yeah, so I was really adamant that like like you like for every like for the dollar that I make, you only get 20, right? 20 cents, right? So, but that's important to me. I wanted to make sure that you were getting equal because you never know what would happen, right? Like you like if something were to happen and I don't plan on it, like you're gonna be taking care of my kids. I don't feel like paying you nothing. I gotta make sure that you have stuff saved up. I ain't paying you no money, right? So you do your own savings, right? So I'm joking, but you know what I'm getting with this, right? So what do you say about that? What do you say about that?

SPEAKER_02 12:16

Women who do that, but so I don't even know what what your question is anymore. So my question is around and around.

SPEAKER_01 12:25

My question is, let's be in a relationship. I want to have children with you. I want to have a I want to be married, but I just gotta have my separate we have to have our account separate.

SPEAKER_02 12:35

So, okay, so what you so that question of you do your thing, I do my thing, and what you described about what we do and how we did it when I primarily, you know, when you primarily were the one working. Like what you did or what we did, right, in splitting that you know, that uh money so that my salary continued to go is not something that would happen in a you do your thing and I do my thing. Right?

SPEAKER_01 13:09

So that's for the record you didn't ask me to do that. You didn't even know I was doing that.

SPEAKER_02 13:13

I didn't ask I didn't ask you to do that, right?

SPEAKER_01 13:15

You didn't even know I was doing that.

SPEAKER_02 13:17

I didn't know that you were doing that. Can I get props or not? No, you can't get props because that's what you're supposed to do. So no, like doing your thing and doing the uh the other person doing their thing, honestly, if something does happen and your spouse is out of work, then yeah, I mean your spouse is now kind of asked out, and you know, it's like, well, you know, you doing your thing, I'm doing my thing, you ain't got no job. How does that help your family?

SPEAKER_01 13:47

But what if they do joint? Some people some people do joint, right? Where they have a joint where you pay half, I pay half the bills and all those different things. I put in half or I put in a third and what have you.

SPEAKER_02 13:57

So you are technically building, you are contributing together for future You might be like not necessarily, not necessarily, because right.

SPEAKER_01 14:08

But when you have an for example, if you're at a job, right? If you're at a job, you're at a job and I'm at my job, right? Like what you decide to put into your 401k, technically I don't need to know how much you put into your 401k.

SPEAKER_02 14:18

Correct.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

Right? Like you could decide you want to put 10% of your salary in there. I could say I'm putting like zero or zero, and I'm putting in 40, right? That's can happen for a couple that puts their money together, they just don't talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 14:34

Where couples, you know, you do your thing, I do my thing. I'm putting, you know, I'm I'm maxing out my 401k every single year. The other person's not maxing out, it doesn't even have a 401k, doesn't have an IRA, doesn't have anything. I'm like, that person who doesn't have anything is planning to work until the day that they die. The person who is planning for retirement is not planning to work until the day that they die. So now when retirement age comes and you say, Hey honey, I'd like to take a trip, you know, for so many weeks around the world or whatever, who's going on this trip? Because somebody gotta go to work. Somebody gotta go to work. So if you're not planning together, then what you're doing is planning to be apart. Because if this person is planning on retiring and you are not planning on retiring, or you plan it on retiring, but you just don't really know how it's gonna happen because you didn't you know, y'all never really talked about finances outside of what bills need to be paid, then what you have is a financial roommate. You do not have a financial partner.

SPEAKER_01 15:41

So should we be more mature? Should we be more more mature and put a disclaimer on this is if you have two mature consenting adults in this? Well, hold on. Because you could be married to someone and they could be completely um horrible with money, right? And you have to keep money on the sides and stuff. So you're saying you should get a divorce?

SPEAKER_02 16:02

No, I'm not saying you should get a divorce. I'm not saying you divorce this person because what I'm saying is that look at her now, you think she's Dr.

SPEAKER_00 16:10

Love.

Financial Transparency in Marriage

SPEAKER_02 16:11

Anyway, is going to pose a problem at some point in your relationship when either you have some sort of financial strife, one one or both of you has financial strife, or when it comes to the point of retirement and you can't do that. Like you know, if if your spouse gets sick for any reason and loses their job, and now you have to be the one to take care of them, and you don't actually know what's going on with them financially, then how are you handling this? Because, you know, you didn't know honey over here got six credit cards that they just maxing out all the time. Honey over here got a loan that they just, you know, not paying on. And next you know, oh, let's go get a house. We can't get a house because obviously this person's credit is messed up.

SPEAKER_01 17:03

But okay, so I'm paying, I'm playing devil's advocate. I agree with you, right? Because um, so I was talking to some of the PAs at my job, they're younger and they're getting married, and or they're thinking about getting married, and we're talking about finances, and I just found it odd that the majority of them want to get married so early, right? They don't have kids yet, they want to get married so early, but that they yet they still want to hold on to things of yeah, my money is my money, their money, this person's money is their money. So, how do you gonna pay the bills? Well, what we'll do is we'll do this calculation where every month they have to cash app me. Seriously, one person was doing this. The person has to cash at me like a third of this to pay for the bills in the house, and if like, you know, so we want to put this furniture and you know, so technically I really want like you know, crown molding, so I'm gonna put in like two-thirds, and I'm like, whoa, this is crazy. This is crazy. I I recently just found out that they listened to the show. I love you guys, but um, yeah, we're talking about shuffle. And you know, but they they they all changed it now. They all said that so when we got into the nitty-gritty of things, I was like saying, like, so you go have like a side stash so that like like you can like like you have like a couple of stacks in there, and they're like, no. I mean, like, I want to be able to like, if I want to go like to the salon, or if I want to be able to buy like a nice, you know, pair of I was like, oh, so you're talking about like a what do you call it? You talking about like a um a little slush fund and stuff, right? Like if you want to go to Wendy's, or if you want to buy Jordans, or if you want to um buy something nice for your spouse, or if you um want to spoil yourself or something like that, just little things here and there. So once we clarify that, I think we got I think they understand that concept that you can have a separate little slush account that the other person is aware of.

SPEAKER_02 18:51

I'm not a I'm not against having a little because I do anyway. No, you know you don't. Yes, I do.

SPEAKER_01 18:58

You just don't know the password.

SPEAKER_02 19:00

Okay, whatever. So I'm not against having a little slush account or whatever. My thing is I am against not knowing that this account exists. I'm against not knowing what's the you know what is in this account. Like, why, like, what are you hiding that you don't want your spouse to know about this thing? They're not hiding. They're not hiding anything. A lot of people do hide. A lot of women especially do hide. No, no, no, no. There you go, Renee. Telling yourself, telling yourself, telling yourself.

SPEAKER_01 19:33

Go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 19:33

We know that a lot of women do hide, right? Because certain women have grown up, you know, in some vulnerable positions, unfortunately, kind of like what you just mentioned, right? Where it's like, well, my dad screwed my mom over, you know, she didn't have a dime to her name, he took everything and X, Y, and Z. So I I understand where that sentiment comes from. I understand where that sentiment comes from. I guess because I've never experienced that, right? Like I didn't see that with my parents. For me, it doesn't make sense that you would ever marry somebody who you are afraid would actually take that level of advantage of you such that you didn't know, you know, you didn't know where any of your money was. And the fact that you would be so little involved in your own family's finances that you didn't know that this was happening, right? So, and that's not to say that that doesn't happen. It does, it does, and for several different reasons. It can be education, it could be authoritative issues, it could be a lot of different reasons that it happens. I'm just saying, I just don't necessarily think that that's the healthiest way to go about being in a marriage financially.

SPEAKER_01 20:54

So for the record, for us guys, so for the record, Renee, like you don't know every decision that I make financially for us, though. Right? Like, you don't know the hold on, hold on, let me finish. You don't know the decisions that I make um with the CPA, right?

SPEAKER_00 21:09

No, no, you don't know not every single one.

SPEAKER_01 21:12

You don't know, right? You don't see the receipts, you don't see the statements, you don't see what's redacted, right? You see what I see what I show you, right?

SPEAKER_00 21:20

Redacted. Redacted, really.

SPEAKER_01 21:22

Right, redacted, yes. But the point of the matter is you don't know you don't know the you don't know you have a 30,000 foot view of how our tax situation is, 30,000 foot view of how our retirement and our benefit situation is.

SPEAKER_02 21:35

Um I have more than a 30,000 foot view of that.

SPEAKER_01 21:41

Okay, I think you podding. You don't know, right?

SPEAKER_02 21:43

I do know. I do know.

SPEAKER_01 21:47

How do you know? You know what? Let's pod. How do you know? Let's how do you know, guys? Guys, I'm bringing you, I'm bringing y'all, we letting y'all in. Nah, how do you know? Tell me how you know. So, first of all, you be checking my emails?

SPEAKER_02 22:01

First of all, every email that the financial advisor sends to you, she sends to me. And if you think I'm not looking at them emails, you are wrong. Okay. That's number one.

SPEAKER_01 22:16

But you see, when I reply to her, I don't hit reply all.

SPEAKER_02 22:18

Anyway, number one.

SPEAKER_01 22:20

If I don't, I don't hit reply all. Number two. Some things get lost in translation translation system, alright?

SPEAKER_02 22:26

Anyway, number two. When we have when we have phone calls, I'm usually on the phone calls. I don't make every single phone call.

SPEAKER_01 22:35

Yo, man, for real. I'll I'll finish televisor, but she'd be sharing too much. Like, yeah, why you gotta tell my wife this? You can keep that conversation between me and you. Damn, shut up. So, this is how much you guys are gonna put in as a couple. Like, I was trying to skim off 10% off the top and shit. Anyway, keep going.

SPEAKER_02 22:51

Anyway, so that's how that's how I know, and that's how I'm involved. But I think that if you, you know, if you're in a relationship where you are afraid to talk about money, or you're a person who kind of avoids, you know, finances and financial talks. Wait, hold on.

SPEAKER_01 23:09

Don't don't let's not let's let's let's stay on that topic though. For real, hold on.

unknown 23:13

Hold on.

SPEAKER_02 23:13

What what?

SPEAKER_01 23:14

What topic? You do read the emails, right? You do read the emails, but there's a lot, even before we even get to the emails, there's still decisions that are made before you even get to that point. A lot of times those emails are results, excuse me, those emails are summaries of what have already happened during the year and stuff, right? So just so people understand, like we like we have to keep it a buck with people, right? Like, it's not like every decision that I make, I'm telling you like we're making this decision, unless it's major, major, right? Like, hey, I'm buying like two Teslas and stuff like that, which I would never do, right? But like what I'm just saying is like there's a lot of decisions that are made financially that you're not privy to until the end.

SPEAKER_02 23:51

Correct. But there's also before we get before we get to that point, right? There's always a strategy, right? So there's a strategy and then there's a decision that's made based on the strategy, right? So the for example, the strategy would be we're gonna max out our 401k. Yes, yes, right? Like so that's the strategy. So now the actual money has to then be moved, right? Or when you come to me and you say, you know, I think I think we need to give ourselves a raise, right? And I say, okay, yeah, let's go ahead and give ourselves a raise, right? So I may not necessarily know the dollar amount until the end, right? Because you work out those details with our financial advisor, but the overall strategy, yeah, I know. I know that, yes, we're going to get a raise and we're going to get more money into our salaries. Or would there be would there be a amount that you disagree with?

SPEAKER_01 24:49

Would there be a month that you disagree with? Like, for example, would you be like, oh, hold up, how come you give yourself a 50% increase and you only gave me like a dollar?

SPEAKER_02 24:56

First of all, you would not do that because you know that would be your neck.

SPEAKER_01 25:00

Oh, just so you know, just so you know, there was a discussion to what do you call it, to not give you a salary because financially and it made sense.

SPEAKER_02 25:10

So I was that was a discussion. I was privy to that discussion, though. Right? I was privy to that discussion. And part of part of the reason that that discussion that that discussion didn't necessarily go in that direction to not give me a salary at all, was because we knew that it was going to imp it was gonna impact quite a number of other things, right? Like what? So even my b disability insurance, even my like so it was going to impact quite a number of things. Right. So I was privy to that discussion. That's the thing. Like, I don't necessarily need to sit down and nickel and dime every single, you know, I don't have to look at every single number, but I do need to know the overall and I need to know some of the details. But I don't need to be like, oh, well, you didn't carry the one over here, so you know, X, Y, and Z.

SPEAKER_01 26:01

Alright, so tell them how we handle our finances. Tell them how we handle our finances. Because I think we can, before we get too academic or everybody, how do we handle our finances on a monthly basis?

SPEAKER_02 26:09

So on a monthly basis, we make a budget, right? You have taken over doing the budget. We did the budget together for quite a number of years, right? And then I was like, I got this. Right. So after, you know, after we did the budget together for quite a number of years, now you go and you take care of the budget. I still have access to the budget, so if I want to go in and I want to see X, Y, and Z, I can go in and look at the budget and be like, eh, you know, I think we should move this here, I think I should we should move this there, we can have that discussion. Right. Oftentimes, if you are going to change something in the budget, then you come to me and you go, you know what? I think we should, you know, nix this for a certain amount of time, right? So we did make that decision at one point to nix something that we thought we would always contribute to, but we said, you know what, for a certain amount of time, we're not going to contribute to this particular fund because we have other priorities, and then we'll come back and we'll start contributing to this fund in a few months. Right. So before that decision was made, though, right? Before that decision was made, that was a discussion that we had. So now I know that if I see this fund and the the the funds have you know have not been contributed to over a certain amount of time, I don't have to be like, oh, what happened? I know we're gonna have to do that. Do we have a password for every account? Yes, I do.

SPEAKER_01 27:34

No, you don't.

SPEAKER_02 27:35

Yes, I do.

SPEAKER_01 27:36

No, you don't, right? You don't have the password for every financial account that we have. All I'm just saying is that you be trying to front like this is like this is everything is perfect.

SPEAKER_02 27:46

Yeah, we got I didn't say everything was perfect. I that's not what I said. I didn't say everything was perfect. What I'm saying is that you have to you have to be involved, right? You've got to be involved enough. If I don't have the passwords to every single thing, what I do have is access right to our financial advisors uh with the the platform.

SPEAKER_00 28:11

You ain't got access to that.

SPEAKER_02 28:12

Okay. Anyway, so yeah, I do.

SPEAKER_01 28:16

Okay. She must have sent you a password on the side, and I need to talk to her about that.

SPEAKER_02 28:21

Um so anyway. Anywho.

The Benefits of Combining Finances

SPEAKER_01 28:28

Well, I think go ahead. But I I I'll be honest with you, I'll tell you guys straight up. I think that it's better to put the money together because I think two incomes are better than one. I think that two heads are better than one when you're trying to tackle when you want to tackle when you want to tackle certain things. So we had a whole bunch of student loan debt. I think that we would have been in a way different position if we took the the mantra of Renee, you handle your debt and then I'll handle my debt, and then we'll meet in the middle somewhere. I think like we would not be able to accomplish half of the things that we've been able to accomplish, i.e. becoming locums by ourselves, i.e. going on as many mission trips as we want to, um, i.e., you know, being able to not create any more debt while doing IVF, starting the podcast, all of these different things would look completely different if we didn't combine our money and then be able to attack circum certain problems together. Um, I'll be straight up honest with y'all, right? So I think that's the number one goal or the number one like benefit of putting two incomes, putting, you know, sharing an account together is that ability to literally put two heads and and and tackle the solution. I think that's number one. I think the second thing also is there's just certain things that you're really good at, and there's things that I'm really good at, right? And although, and although um I think like money is a very what's the best way I can describe it? Money is something that is very personal. Um, it's something that. Um, like, look, like you always say, like, if you can have children with someone, but you can't share your account. Well, what are we talking about here? This doesn't make sense. I'm saying I'm sharing half my DNA with you, but I wait, what but I do think that in essence, you trust the decisions. You may not know everything, but you trust the decisions that I make will be in favor of me and you first, and then overall of the family and stuff. And vice versa. There's certain things that you do that I'm like, all right, well, I don't need to know everything, but like I just know that she got my back and stuff like that. You know, you're not gonna put poison in the food, right? So I might put some cat and dog in there, but no, but guys, Renee makes financial decisions that I just don't know privy about, right? Like, we got something, a major thing going on right now that I'm just like, look, Renee, you just gonna have to handle that. I ain't got time for it. Right. We'll talk about that later.

SPEAKER_02 30:55

But yeah, we will talk about that later.

SPEAKER_01 30:56

In the business. She runs the b she runs ducks outside the box, guys.

SPEAKER_02 31:00

Even even in even in those major decisions, though, right? Like this thing that we have going on right now, um, even in that, right, like nothing happens until we both are on the same page, right? So I might be leading the discussions, I might be, you know, getting the ball rolling, and I might be making the concessions and provisions and stuff like that. But nothing happens until we're both on the same page. So it's important to have those discussions, you know. And that's that that's that's kind of what I'm trying to say. I'm not trying to say like you gotta sit down and you gotta, you know, maybe in the beginning, like we did, right? You sit down and you nickel and dime and you try to figure out what's going on. And I think that's helped us to be on the same page so that we get to the point where we can make certain, you know, we can kind of distribute um some of the responsibilities. Um, but I think never putting your resources together. I'm just like, for me, I feel like that would be living with a roommate. All right, gotcha.

SPEAKER_01 32:08

But we gotta, we can't be, we can't lie, like we kind of walked into an ideal situation, right? Like you ain't got no money, I ain't had no money.

SPEAKER_02 32:16

Like, no, but people do that, people do that all the time, they ain't got no money.

Navigating Financial Disparities in Marriage

SPEAKER_01 32:20

But there wasn't there's not a major, there's not a major difference in our salaries, right? Like, maybe just a little bit. But what about can you entertain my thought for a quick second? Let's what happens when one person makes way more than the other person, right? Let's say somebody's like in like the triple, someone is like in the six-digit realm or close to the seven seven-digit realm, and they're dating someone who's still in the five-digit realm, right? Like, how do you budget then? Whose money is who? When there's a clear dis difference, right? There's a clear difference. What happens then, sis? Talk to me about that. What do you gotta say about that? Let me see you act all mature then when you BSing, when you potding, right?

SPEAKER_02 33:08

So, but that for me, that's kind of the same situation that you just mentioned about well, what if like a neurosurgeon is dating, is dating a pediatrician.

SPEAKER_01 33:17

What do you do then?

SPEAKER_02 33:19

Why you gotta Damn? Why can you gotta say it like that, yo? Pediatricians, we gotta love you.

SPEAKER_00 33:33

Stop playing.

SPEAKER_01 33:35

Yeah, some of our good friends are pediatricians, but you know, come on, stop, y'all know. Y'all know that Medicaid, that chip money.

unknown 33:45

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 33:48

Go ahead, yo. Go ahead, go ahead. Uh anyway, but I think we know ER docs and pediatricians that are married. What happens there? Go ahead, move on.

SPEAKER_02 33:55

So I think it's kind of like what you said about what happens, for example, when you have, let's say, it in a traditional role, let's say the wife decides to stay home with the kids until the kids are in eighth grade or finish high school and they're not making any income at all. Right? Even somebody who makes a five-figure salary now is compared to a person who's making zero. It's the for me, it's the same thing. It's like, what are you doing to advance your family? You decided to marry this person not because of, you know, I wanted to have financial strife. That's not why you you you didn't marry a person so that you could figure out how you could fight financially. That's not why you got married. You got married because you love the person, you want to build together with the person, I'm assuming, and you want your family to be on proper footing, right? You want to advance your family name. You stay in the middle of the way.

SPEAKER_01 34:51

So for me, I disagree with you on that point. I disagree on your point. But that's not necessarily obvious to a lot of people. I disagree with you. I'll tell you why I disagree with you. But I think usually when someone decides to take time off, that is a two people to make that decision. Like, yo, you're gonna take time off so you can focus on the kids, I'll just keep working.

SPEAKER_02 35:12

Nope. You being nice. That's not how it goes? That's not true. That's not true. That's not always, no, that is not a good thing.

SPEAKER_01 35:19

But when you compare that looking at someone who's but when you look at it compared to someone saying, hey, like I'm bringing in 50,000, I'm bringing in 50 stacks, and I'm gonna be marrying a woman who's bringing in seven stacks or seven seven figures. So, like, does this even make sense to split? Like this person says, Hey, I want to get like this$500,000 house. We can afford it. But who's gonna be paying for most of it though?

SPEAKER_02 35:49

But that's what I'm saying. If you do, you do your thing, and you do my thing, that's the discussion you're gonna have. Who's gonna be who's gonna be paying it? Because if you say, um, you do your thing, I do my thing, we can't afford it. I can afford it.

SPEAKER_01 36:06

But we can't afford it. I can't, I can't afford it. You can afford it. We total can afford it, but you majority are gonna be putting money in. So now you have a power dynamic, now you have a power dynamic that you haven't really thought about because in essence, this person is putting in more towards this house that maybe you could not get on your own, but now that you're with this person, you can get it. You see what I'm saying? So now it's like, how do you how do you right? There's power dynamics that you just don't come on, Renee. Stop doing that.

SPEAKER_02 36:34

I I listen, I understand that.

SPEAKER_01 36:36

I'm telling you from my You see the chair that you're sitting on. I pay for that chair that you're sitting in, the orange one. You got the you got the gray one.

SPEAKER_02 36:43

And who picked the chairs?

SPEAKER_01 36:45

I did.

SPEAKER_02 36:46

No, you didn't. I found this I found this chair for you. Stop playing. Stop playing. I found the chairs. Make your point. I thought you were gonna go get it.

SPEAKER_01 36:54

Make your point.

SPEAKER_02 36:55

Um, anyway, my point is that when you decide to get married, in my point of view, you work as a unit. You work as a unit.

SPEAKER_01 37:05

So take you through this conversation.

SPEAKER_02 37:07

You work as a unit.

SPEAKER_01 37:08

It's kind of like I'm gonna pin you to this one point. I'm gonna make you pod. No. No, no. We're sticking on it, we're sticking on the example of the house. Stick on the example of a house. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 37:22

But if you would just zip it.

SPEAKER_01 37:26

I can't, I'm the host.

SPEAKER_02 37:28

Throw it away.

SPEAKER_01 37:29

I'm the host, I can't.

SPEAKER_02 37:36

So, for example, right? It's like if you have a department and everybody in the department is, you know, your surgery department. We are talking about houses, me. If everybody in the surgery department is working, right? And you're all contributing to whatever, you can't be like, well, you know, my my portion of, you know, of the of the patients that I see, that money should go towards this. And this should you're working as a department. This is the same thing. If you marry somebody, you are working as a unit, you combine as one, as a unit. And so for me, it's like it doesn't matter who's contributing what. What matters is are you moving as a unit? Now, if you want to, you know, compete as you know, as a surgery department with the OBGYN department, then you can certainly be competitors. But you should not be competing. You should not be oh my lord, you should not be competing with your spouse. Your spouse is not on a different team.

SPEAKER_01 38:46

You are making Renee. You see a couple. One couple makes 55 grand, the other couple, the other person makes three million dollars. Now they have to decide what kind of house they are going to get. What kind of house are they going to get? Right? One person says, hey, I think we should move into this neighborhood where the houses are on average$800,000. Together, their combined income can afford that. The other person is like, Well, I want to live in, you know, I want to like what's the other person gonna say? I I want to live in this place where the the average uh house costs$100,000, right?

SPEAKER_02 39:26

Like it's but that's you're talking about a situation in which one person does one thing and the other person does their own thing. That's the discussion.

SPEAKER_01 39:37

No, what I'm saying, no, what I'm saying is together they can afford a more expensive house, right? And let's say they decide we're working as a unit. There's always going to be that thing of listen, bro, like I'm putting in 75% towards this house. I want this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this. We're still moving as a unit, but just know that, I mean, based off of what how much I'm putting into this this mortgage and what you're putting into this mortgage, just based off the percentages. You don't think that there's always that little underlying thing? You don't like?

SPEAKER_02 40:11

If that was if if that were if that were the case, right, then there's always going to be this separation of you basically are making this and you are making that. It's never that that means that that couple doesn't see it as we are making this much. That that's what I'm saying to you. But when but the reason I gave you a be a part of the discussion.

SPEAKER_01 40:35

But that's why I made it such a big that's why I made it such a big disparity so that it's outright in front of you. When you're both making a hundred grand, it's like that's not that big of a difference. Like, they're not gonna have that conversation, right? But when you're making, like, what do you do in that situation? What's your advice there, Dr. Love?

SPEAKER_02 40:51

Anyway, this is not about love, this is about finances. I think still I think, I think still in that case, it should be a we. Because if somebody with three million dollars, you know, three million dollars a year decides to marry somebody with who's making fifty thousand dollars a year, I don't know what that person was expecting. I really don't. Because if you really want to be talking about, oh, this is how much money I put towards this, and this is how much money I put towards that, then maybe you shouldn't be marrying somebody who makes fifty thousand dollars a year. Maybe that's not the per there is such thing as not being financially compatible. There is such thing so much of not being financially compatible that yes, it would justify not marrying that person.

SPEAKER_01 41:42

So could you not be financially compatible just based on the fact that someone makes more than you? You save amount, you save the same amount, you don't spend a lot of money, it's just that you just make stacks on stacks on stacks on stacks compared to the other person.

SPEAKER_02 41:55

Could that be just the So it's not just And we gotta we gotta wrap this up?

SPEAKER_01 41:59

We gotta wrap this up because we don't have to split this episode in two, girl.

SPEAKER_02 42:02

It's not just based on your your financial behaviors that would make you financially compatible, it's also your outlook on finances, right? If you are like what's mine is mine and what's yours is yours, even though you two might have the same types of behaviors, right? You might have the same types of behaviors, but you still see it as you do your thing in and I'll do my thing, you still may not be financially compatible. You still might not be. Because how are you ever moving as a you for me? I just somebody write in and explain to me if y'all are doing you do your thing, I do my thing, and you know, you cash app me, you know, to be able to pay the bills. Somebody explain to me how that, you know, how that resembles in any way, shape, or form a marriage in comparison to a roommate situation, except that y'all are sleeping together. You might as well just stay boyfriend, girlfriend.

SPEAKER_01 43:02

Alright, y'all. I want y'all to click on the fan mail or text us and let us know who was really telling the truth versus who was podding. We already know Renee was podding. She was BS and she's not telling y'all the real or real. I tell you guys the real. I tell you, well, they're gonna have to tune in for another episode for that, because we done. Y'all, I appreciate y'all tuning in to another episode of I appreciate y'all tuning in to another episode of Docks Outside the Box. This is a great episode, actually, Renee. This is a really good episode because people get to really see how you roll. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 43:31

And you know, what does that even mean?

SPEAKER_01 43:32

It may it may change their view of you, actually.

SPEAKER_02 43:35

Yeah, it might, but you know how I think. You know how I feel about what people care, what people think about me.

SPEAKER_01 43:43

All right, y'all. We love y'all. We'll catch you guys on another episode of Docs Outside the Box, y'all. Peace.

SPEAKER_02 43:49

Do you say put your money together?